Only me...

Hey guys, I made a couple of beauty videos today, but my mac is acting weird. Photobooth is not recording my voice, and I can't do a voice over because imovie won't accept the video. Ugh. annoying. But that is that. 
I need to address a matter because I dont think people comprehend or they dont want to understand, I dont know. But when I am angry or put into a compromising situation I get mad, livid, BEYOND pissed. And I vent. I am a writer, so the way I obviously vent out my emotions is by writing. I can't tell you how many journals I keep, and why I have blogs. I hate the fact that yea a bunch of people I don't know reads them. But I just love writing, and I like html and all of that. So I figure why not. Now... for the past year I have gone through.... alot of pain and emotional dysfunction. That's putting it mildly. When I vent out my emotions I write alot of stuff, I curse alot. But then I think about the situation and you know what I move on. Sometimes, especially one particular incident, I may and did forget the comment I placed upon a certain area. And I dont judge people, I try my best not to. But when someone pushes something in my face, especially shit I dont like, I will react in a bitchy way. I may be skinny but dont fuck with me. but honesty I may forget about these comments and a year later I am repremanded for them. But I in no way mean harm. Im not that type of person. But seriously, people have called me much MUCH worse, I have been called a slut bitch whore etc etc etc. The list goes on. And for me to just say I fucking hate someone, and get repremanded the way I was, is not fair. I don't think thats write. I say my sorries, and I truly mean them. But I get attacked, for an opinion I had a year ago, and all I say is that I hate the person... and then at the end I say I wanted to off myself. I dont get it. Maybe its just me. It's not important anyway, nothing I ever think or say is important. 

Anyway, I spoke to A.H. tonight, hes so sweet. He's the sweetest guy I ever met, seriously.  He's doesnt have all the bullshit, he doesnt have to prove himself. He's just real. And he doent promise things he cant keep. I told him not to say that he wont hurt me. I can't take another man saying, "I wont hurt you", because they always do. He's coming back in the city next week, I cant wait to see him. I only date older men like I said before. so he's significantly older than me, he's 34. Which isn't bad. ces is 32, ten years older than me. So A.H. is twelve years older, and he doesnt care about the whole age shit. I love that. I mean age is nothing but a number and anyone that focuses on that instead of the person, or focuses on distance instead of the person, is just looking for excuses. He's very supportive, thus far. we'll see how it goes. 
Well that's it my lovelys, ttyl . PEACE. ^.^